I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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