I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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