the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
