I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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