if i can run in heels then i can drive
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
