I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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