Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just threw up on my dentist
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
