John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
