For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
