dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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