Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
