We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
