Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
