you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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