I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
