ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
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do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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