You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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