I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
