Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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