Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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