I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
