Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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