the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
