I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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