youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
