I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
