Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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