DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need to align my fucking chakras
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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