Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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