Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
