y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
