Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
