You can't special order awesome
and you said cock pushups were impossible
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
