It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
