I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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