Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's just like the Real World with babies
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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