Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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