So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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