True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
