A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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