theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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