I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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