I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
