He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the condom got lost in my hair
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
