did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
