my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
