Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
