We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
