YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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