Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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