I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
