you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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