Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
