I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
