I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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