Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
