That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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