You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
