I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm getting married
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.