Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food