The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
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Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
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Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex