it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him