i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Your dad touched me again.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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