I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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