Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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