It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
