Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
