do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
