i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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