I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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