Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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