Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
