What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
