saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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