She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize