her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
