I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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