hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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