either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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