They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
