No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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